I’ll Meet You at One Hundred

1. I need to know that my worth is more than sexual satisfaction.
2. I need you to try to see this from a different angle.
3. I need to be loved.
4. I need to be heard.
5. I need to buy soap from the grocery store.
6. I need you to tell me the truth.
7. I need to stop crying.
8. I need to study for my quiz on Saturday.
9. I need to wallow in the dark.
10. I need to get up.
11. I need you to fight for me.
12. I need to know that I’m not the only one mourning for this.
13. I need you to write our story from your side.
14. I need to see my therapist.
15. I need to accept my fate.
16. I need to fight for this.
17. I need you to go back to what was and realize that…
18. I need you to stop hiding.
19. I need you to finally tell the truth.
20. I need to be treated as a human being, and not as some antidote to some illness.
21. I need you to realize love is not love until you give it away.
22. I need to be cared for. It’s not enough that you keep me inside your head.
23. I need to stop being seen as a commodity.
24. I need to be better in bed.
25. I need you to see.
26. I need to exercise.
27. I need to sleep early.
28. I need you to show me that you care for me.
29. I need to smoke.
30. I need to talk to you.
31. I need you to remember how certain you were and think: was it worth it?
32. I need to know that you’re still here.
33. I need to get a tattoo.
34. I need you to stop playing it safe for yourself.
35. I need to save money.
36. I need to fix my room.
37. I need to reply to an e-mail.
38. I need you to fix what is broken.
39. I need you to stop being quiet.
40. I need to meet up with a friend.
41. I need to drink wine.
42. I need to go to my eye doctor.
43. I need you to stop doubting this.
44. I need to trust again.
45. I need to tell you what I need.
46. I need you to tell me what you need.
47. I need you to allow me to provide for your needs.
48. I need you to meet me halfway.
49. I need you to write about me.
50. I need you to write to me.
51. I need you to write extensively about me.
52. I need thorough explanation.
53. I need to practice cha-cha.
54. I need to forget.
55. I need to dance.
56. I need to dance in the rain.
57. I need to know that I’m not the only one here.
58. I need to know you.
59. I need you to talk this out with me and not make decisions for the two of us.
60. I need to read the news.
61. I need to believe again.
62. I need to find the light.
63. I need you to help me.
64. I need to stop feeling like a victim.
65. I need to voice out that I feel violated.
66. I need to love my body.
67. I need to remember that I am more than enough, and if you belittle me, fuck it.
68. I need you to be patient with me.
69. I need to eat more vegetables.
70. I need to drink water.
71. I need to write.
72. I need to eat ice cream.
73. I need to take my vitamins.
74. I need to stop smoking.
75. I need to be loved for the right reasons.
76. I need you to bring him back to me.
77. I need to learn how to laugh at my mistakes.
78. I need to be appreciated.
79. I need to be recognized for my efforts.
80. I need to feel beautiful.
81. I need life to work in favor of me.
82. I need to have an answer to: “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”
83. I need to stop belittling my dreams.
84. I need to believe in myself.
85. I need to be comfortable with the lack.
86. I need to be honest: my biggest dream is to be a mother.
87. I need to accept: I am not a superhero.
88. I need my alone time.
89. I need to reply to a ton of e-mails.
90. I need to compartmentalize.
91. I need to get in touch with God, if there is a God.
92. I need everyone else to keep quiet.
93. I need to set my financial targets.
94. I need to feel safe.
95. I need you to stop smoking.
96. I need to space out.
97. I need to breathe.
98. I need to be loved by the one I love.
99. I need to find someone who won’t easily give up on me.
100. I need to be your last girlfriend.

 —
Author’s note: This is something I started last year, but it didn’t feel ripe enough until today. Made use of anaphoras and catalog to make a list of needs. The intention of this piece is to capture the feel of overthinking. Additionally, it’s the perfect mode for catharsis.
Advertisements

Superpowers I Acquired After You Left Me

  1. I could talk about you endlessly.
  2. I could go for days without sleep.
  3. I could turn everything I eat taste like paper.
  4. I could lose ten pounds in a week.
  5. I could cry my eyes out and still ace my exams.
  6. I could light a fire.
  7. I could recall how every moment felt like.
  8. I could reiterate everything you said to me.
  9. I could be the collateral damage.
  10. I could kill myself at night, and live by morning.
  11. I could cry my eyes out and no one would notice.
  12. I could entirely close myself off the world.
  13. I could fill myself with rage.
  14. I could smoke six packs a day.
  15. I could watch all kinds of porn, and masturbate all day.
  16. I could get high, and still feel low.
  17. I could sleep for more than twelve hours.
  18. I could sleep, and still find you there with me.
  19. I could cry my eyes out and still cry some more.
  20. I could rewrite our love story.
  21. I could picture you with him.
  22. I could finally admit: You never loved me.
  23. I could curse you.
  24. I could hurt you with my pain.
  25. I could hate myself for being born a woman.
  26. I could block you from my memory.
  27. I could erase you from my phonebook.
  28. I could watch all kinds of porn, and feel nothing.
  29. I could seduce another.
  30. I could cry my eyes out and still others would find me pretty.
  31. I could be selfish.
  32. I could make myself look happy.
  33. I could be bipolar and feel nothing.
  34. I could find the courage to admit that I need other people.
  35. I could be mean and still have friends.
  36. I could get angry with God, and still get blessings.
  37. I could inspire others even when I am broken.
  38. I could create light with darkness.
  39. I could give you a lot, and still have more.
  40. I could profess my love for you in front of an audience.
  41. I could fight, even just by sitting here.
  42. I could protect you from your haters.
  43. I could save you from killing yourself.
  44. I could cry my eyes out and drive.
  45. I could run away, and still find you.
  46. I could hear your voice even when you’re not with me.
  47. I could get drunk and still say your name clearly.
  48. I could stop believing in love.
  49. I could laugh at heartaches.
  50. I could live with loneliness.
  51. I could ask a guy out.
  52. I could wake up in the arms of another, and still long for your touch.
  53. I could finally tell you: You hurt me and I am not okay.
  54. I could look at stars and only see them as gaseous orbs, not miraculous signs of gods.
  55. I could outsmart romantic love.
  56. I could heal.
  57. I could go through the day without a proper meal, and still be productive.
  58. I could workout all day despite being underweight.
  59. I could get drunk and still remember you.
  60. I could recount our memories in full detail.
  61. I could live with depression.
  62. I could swallow the fact that I am not The One.
  63. I could forgive you.
  64. I could send you a text message even after I’ve deleted your number.
  65. I could bump into you, and maintain composure.
  66. I could look you in the eye, and only feel fondness.
  67. I could wave goodbye and not look back.
  68. I could transform pain to wholeness.
  69. I could live again.
  70. I could love myself better than you loved me.

Author’s note: A catalog poem is a type of poem that lists events, feelings, or things. Although some writers are skeptical about the excessiveness of this type of poetry, it captures the candidness of a person’s thought process, thus appearing raw and mundane. To move on is a messy undertaking, and to capture that, I found it best to use anaphoras and catalog.