It Doesn’t Take Much

1
Breakfast taught me
it doesn’t take much
for a fight to escalate.
It could be about what he did
or what she didn’t do,
or which color should they paint
the walls, or what others will say,
or why I am who I am.
When this happens,
I stare at my cereal bowl,
and pretend that I am it, holding
within me frosted letters,
pink hearts, yellow
moons, orange stars, and green
clovers. I watch, as the pale milk
turns to rainbow. I keep quiet, and
allow this to progress, but I forget
that it doesn’t take much for
glass to shatter. One flick, and
I am no longer.

2
Brokenness taught me
it doesn’t take much
to win a fight.
I could have been his glorified trophy,
or her favorite bowl, or an art piece
that either no one cares about, or cares
too much for. I can barely
hold letters in my mouth,
much more words. I used to keep quiet
to hold it all together, but now I know
that it doesn’t take much for
glass to shatter. One flick, and
I allow myself
to splinter.

Pagmumuni-muni

Matagal tagal na rin
akong hindi tumingin
sa itaas. Kislap ng mga bituin
nawalan na ng saysay. Ni ang
malambing na buwan, hindi ko na
pinansin. Impostor, mapagkunwaring
bato! Hahabol-habol, mangangako
tapos biglang magtatago!

Gusto ko ng kasiguruhan, tulad
ng kadiliman. Ngayong gabi
sumilip-silip ang langit. Nagtatanong:
ako lang ba ang nakatingin sa iyo?

I’ll Meet You at One Hundred

1. I need to know that my worth is more than sexual satisfaction.
2. I need you to try to see this from a different angle.
3. I need to be loved.
4. I need to be heard.
5. I need to buy soap from the grocery store.
6. I need you to tell me the truth.
7. I need to stop crying.
8. I need to study for my quiz on Saturday.
9. I need to wallow in the dark.
10. I need to get up.
11. I need you to fight for me.
12. I need to know that I’m not the only one mourning for this.
13. I need you to write our story from your side.
14. I need to see my therapist.
15. I need to accept my fate.
16. I need to fight for this.
17. I need you to go back to what was and realize that…
18. I need you to stop hiding.
19. I need you to finally tell the truth.
20. I need to be treated as a human being, and not as some antidote to some illness.
21. I need you to realize love is not love until you give it away.
22. I need to be cared for. It’s not enough that you keep me inside your head.
23. I need to stop being seen as a commodity.
24. I need to be better in bed.
25. I need you to see.
26. I need to exercise.
27. I need to sleep early.
28. I need you to show me that you care for me.
29. I need to smoke.
30. I need to talk to you.
31. I need you to remember how certain you were and think: was it worth it?
32. I need to know that you’re still here.
33. I need to get a tattoo.
34. I need you to stop playing it safe for yourself.
35. I need to save money.
36. I need to fix my room.
37. I need to reply to an e-mail.
38. I need you to fix what is broken.
39. I need you to stop being quiet.
40. I need to meet up with a friend.
41. I need to drink wine.
42. I need to go to my eye doctor.
43. I need you to stop doubting this.
44. I need to trust again.
45. I need to tell you what I need.
46. I need you to tell me what you need.
47. I need you to allow me to provide for your needs.
48. I need you to meet me halfway.
49. I need you to write about me.
50. I need you to write to me.
51. I need you to write extensively about me.
52. I need thorough explanation.
53. I need to practice cha-cha.
54. I need to forget.
55. I need to dance.
56. I need to dance in the rain.
57. I need to know that I’m not the only one here.
58. I need to know you.
59. I need you to talk this out with me and not make decisions for the two of us.
60. I need to read the news.
61. I need to believe again.
62. I need to find the light.
63. I need you to help me.
64. I need to stop feeling like a victim.
65. I need to voice out that I feel violated.
66. I need to love my body.
67. I need to remember that I am more than enough, and if you belittle me, fuck it.
68. I need you to be patient with me.
69. I need to eat more vegetables.
70. I need to drink water.
71. I need to write.
72. I need to eat ice cream.
73. I need to take my vitamins.
74. I need to stop smoking.
75. I need to be loved for the right reasons.
76. I need you to bring him back to me.
77. I need to learn how to laugh at my mistakes.
78. I need to be appreciated.
79. I need to be recognized for my efforts.
80. I need to feel beautiful.
81. I need life to work in favor of me.
82. I need to have an answer to: “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”
83. I need to stop belittling my dreams.
84. I need to believe in myself.
85. I need to be comfortable with the lack.
86. I need to be honest: my biggest dream is to be a mother.
87. I need to accept: I am not a superhero.
88. I need my alone time.
89. I need to reply to a ton of e-mails.
90. I need to compartmentalize.
91. I need to get in touch with God, if there is a God.
92. I need everyone else to keep quiet.
93. I need to set my financial targets.
94. I need to feel safe.
95. I need you to stop smoking.
96. I need to space out.
97. I need to breathe.
98. I need to be loved by the one I love.
99. I need to find someone who won’t easily give up on me.
100. I need to be your last girlfriend.

 —
Author’s note: This is something I started last year, but it didn’t feel ripe enough until today. Made use of anaphoras and catalog to make a list of needs. The intention of this piece is to capture the feel of overthinking. Additionally, it’s the perfect mode for catharsis.